Youth

The sun was setting as Emily and I stood in the crowd at the main stage. It was Friday, the first night of BottleRock Napa Valley: a music festival in its third year, located in a place that’s known more for grapes and sommeliers than rock and hip-hop music. We watched as Imagine Dragons played their songs with a flurry of smoke and lighting effects behind them to accentuate the music. In the middle of their set, the elaborate lighting tricks briefly came to a halt as Dan Reynolds sang a cover of Alphaville’s Forever Young. The song choice felt a bit odd, but I didn’t think too much about it. His version wasn’t as good as the original, but it never is, unless you have chops like Jimi Hendrix (All Along the Watchtower) or Amy Winehouse (Valerie).

Fast forward to Sunday night, and No Doubt, the headliner of the festival, stepped onto the stage. Their set was filled with songs that have become familiar to millions since the mid-90’s, and with good reason. These are hit songs from a top-class band, and no one embodies the earned confidence of over twenty years of success more than Gwen Stefani. She sang with the same power this past weekend as she did when the band recorded Tragic Kingdom. She moved with the same swagger of the pre-married, pre-maternal Gwen of the 90’s.

But really I was most flabbergasted by how she not only looked just as she had twenty years ago, but she somehow looks even better now.

Gwen Stefani at BottleRock Napa Valley, 5/31/2015

How can this be? Is life unfair? What am I doing with myself? Several times in between songs, Gwen looked in amazement at the tens of thousands of us in the crowd and asked, Is this real?, wondering how so many would still come to see her band play. Looking at Gwen, I kept asking myself, Are you real? How does a 45-year-old mother of three look like that?

I pondered about this for a while, since that’s what we do here at A Couple Talks: ponder about shit. I came to a few conclusions.

The first, and most obvious, conclusion is that she simply makes a lot of effort to take care of herself. Gwen has said that her secret to looking good is torturing herself. This is not torture of the William Wallace variety, but a torture of the hedonist inside of us. We love junk food and calorie-filled beverages despite knowing that these things are like steroids for Father Time. We give into the pleasures of now but suffer the consequences of later. It’s a simple concept: eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and stay clean.

The second, and somewhat depressing, conclusion is genetics. Some, like Gwen, have always looked great and will continue to look great because they have won the genetic lottery. This is not to discredit those that have painstakingly worked to stay fit, but having a biological edge certainly counts for something. On the other hand, if one didn’t get so lucky in this department, it doesn’t mean he or she is lost cause; it just means that more “torturing” is required.

The third conclusion is one that often isn’t thought about when it comes to keeping a youthful look. I don’t personally know Gwen Stefani and I haven’t read too much about her, but this is what I believe to be true: she loves her life. She is driven by things that excite and inspire her, like music and fashion. She doesn’t wake up everyday to a dull existence of sitting in a cubicle from nine to five. She is kicking the shit out of life, and it shows in her youthful energy and appearance.

Most people think looks are beyond our control: we are either blessed or cursed with what our parents handed to us, they say. I’m not too sure that’s true; in fact, I believe quite the opposite: some of how we look is not in our hands, but a lot of it is. If we value the lives we lead, we will take more care for ourselves. To me, this is Gwen’s greatest attribute: not the powerful vocals, the eloquent lyrics, or the trend-setting fashion, but the vigor and drive that permeates her life, and it shows. Maybe she will be forever young; I wouldn’t put it past her.

– Chris.

“Don’t look back. You can never look back” – Don Henley, The Boys of Summer.

Some sentiments last a lifetime. Memories from the past become immortalized into permanent nostalgia. It can be a first kiss of a high school crush, a college graduation, or seeing a favorite band perform live. Movies also act in this way: whenever The Shawshank Redemption or Pulp Fiction comes on the screen, I am compelled to keep watching. I get brought back to the 90’s all over again, as if I was watching these movies for the first time. I still love them just as much today; watching Andy reunite with Red (spoiler alert) and hearing Jules recite The Bible before shooting Brad are scenes that stand the test of time. Coincidentally, Reality Bites was released in 1994, the same year as both The Shawshank Redemption and Pulp Fiction. But unlike the two classics, my feelings towards this movie are quite different today from the past.

I actually saw Reality Bites about seven years after it was released: I was only 12 when it first came out. It’s about four friends in Texas, freshly graduated from college, and faced with the reality of adulthood. Lelaina is a struggling filmmaker; Troy is a rebellious musician; Vickie is a promiscuous Gap employee; and Sammy is a closeted homosexual in the conservative State. Lelaina is making a documentary about their lives when she eventually meets Michael, a TV executive who wants to date her and air her documentary on his channel. She agrees to both, but the edits made to Lelaina’s documentary by Michael’s producers represent the commercialization and artistic compromising of Corporate America that she and her three friends despise. Predictably, Lelaina and Troy were in love with each other the whole time and they end up together.

Back then, I thought the four friends represented a cool counter-culture of artistic integrity, a purity of youth, and an anti-establishment spirit that wasn’t motivated by money. Today, these characters seem less sophisticated and more misguided and naïve. Troy used to be a man of principles, but now he comes off as a rebel without a cause. Lelaina was an underground documentarian with an original idea, but maybe she was just a novice filmmaker who lacked the skills to make a good product. Michael was a sellout who was kowtowing to The Man, but should we overlook his strong work ethic and ambition? Lelaina, Troy, and her friends are dreamers, and I appreciate that, but what’s a dream without direction and drive? If the movie showed Troy approaching record labels in an attempt to get his music picked up or Lelaina going to different directors to get the tips of her trade, I would have more respect for them. Instead, they spent less time doing and more time complaining and lamenting. There is no replacement for hard work: that is where passion lies.

I will say, however, that the music of Reality Bites continues to bring me back my younger days. Lisa Loeb’s Stay was a colossal hit back in the 90’s. Lelaina and Vickie singing Squeeze’s Tempted in the car is still a great scene, and perhaps the most memorable scene of all occurs when Lelaina, Vickie, and Sammy break into a spontaneous dance craze to My Sharona in a local gas station.

It’s a funny thing to revisit something from the past, and a funnier thing, still, to realize that the sentiment has changed. Our past feelings are different because we are different. Whether it’s due to the callousness or maturity of adulthood, we will look back and change our minds about the past. I imagine the Baby Boomers have a similar experience with The Graduate as I do with Reality Bites: what was once a movie about young adults with youthful exuberance and hope is now a movie about kids who don’t really know a damn thing about life because they haven’t lived enough yet. Perhaps that is why Don Henley urges us not to look back-we may not like what we see.

– Chris.