self improvement

Remembering Single Life

Yesterday I came home from work to an empty house.

Emily was away on a business trip, and I had asked my parents to dogsit for us while she’s gone.

It was definitely a bit odd arriving to a silent home. Originally, I thought that I was going to enjoy having the house to myself. Everyone needs their alone time, after all, and this would be a brief moment to soak in the joys of solitude.

We’ve all heard it before – the grass is greener on the other side. When we’re single, we look at couples in love with equal parts of wonder, contempt, pity, and envy. We may think, How pathetic, they depend on each other for happiness. Why can’t they just be happy on their own? Losers. Or, Get a room you assholes. But deep down, perhaps we feel jealousy creeping up our spinal cords, longing to be with that someone to experience life with, who can tolerate us just enough and not fill us with shame when they see how ridiculous our naked bodies look in bed.

When we’re in a relationship, we look at single people in the same way, don’t we? We almost resent them for being so different, yet we envy their seemingly independent lifestyles. Our single friends can fly off to Rome on a moment’s notice without any permission, we think. They have all the time to sit around and do what they want.

Despite everyone being gone and my having the house to myself, I really didn’t do anything different. I didn’t have a massive freakout session a la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. All I did was eat some leftovers and watch a movie on Netflix – I ended up watching Electrick Children; kind of an odd movie, I think I enjoyed it, but am not completely sure.

This blog is called A Couple Talks. Emily and I started this whole thing because we thought we’d enjoy doing this together. That was the point and still is – together.

Thinking about last night though, I wonder, where the hell would I be if I was single? Would my life be that much different? I mean, I’d be eating out a lot more and the interior design of my home would be a lot worse – I never gave a shit about that before Emily moved in – but what about me? What kind of person would I be right now?

The core of who I am is the same, and I think that’s a good thing. I don’t believe anyone should completely change who they are on account of someone else. It’s like a meat lover giving up beef to be with a vegan – why would anyone do that?

However, I must say that I’ve improved in many ways being with Emily. I read a lot more, have experienced new things, and have become more open to new possibilities about the future. In a way, it’s like I’ve stayed the same person but in a more enlightened state. And isn’t that what we all want from a relationship?

Don’t get me wrong, being single is great. There’s so much personal growth that can happen being single. I know a lot of people are sick of dating, viewing it as a waste of time to spend an evening with a stranger which will most likely end up nowhere. And I know a lot of people also feel like they are doomed to be single forever, feeling like there is absolutely no way that they will meet anyone compatible enough to be in a lasting committed relationship with.

If this is you, the truth is, I have no idea if you’ll ever find that person you can spend the rest of your life with. It would be bullshit for me to be like, There there, you’ll meet the one eventually, everyone does. I have no fucking clue.

What I believe is this – life can appear to be completely random, and most of it is, but it’s really up to us to make of it what we want. Whether we’re single or in a relationship, we should always be evaluating the state of our lives – Is this how we want our lives to be? Are we in a good place? Are we headed in the right direction? What can we do to improve ourselves and our situation?

Our fates are not sealed. We have the pen and paper, so let’s be the ones writing our life story rather than having someone else write it for us.

– Chris.

Change Your Shit

I come across this all the time.

It’s people asking Why? How come? What am I doing wrong?

Here’s the answer: You S-U-C-K.

Let’s face it – we’re egotistical beings. The world as we see it revolves around us. Oh, but you have kids? I’m not talking about you – you’re already dead anyway. This is for those without child, those of us who still have a chance at happiness in life.

Everything is about ME. What am I doing with my life? How does this affect ME? What’s in it for ME?

And when things don’t go our way, we wonder what’s going on. But it’s never our faults. The incorrect, disappointing parts never have to do with us – it’s always them. How come this is isn’t happening for me? Why can’t they see this correctly about me? In our world, we’re the only ones with an index finger, and we’re pointing it at everything and everyone else.

Listen motherfucker – When you point your finger, three fingers point back at YOU.

What am I talking about? I’ll give you some examples.

I played volleyball in high school, since I’m such a stud. During my senior year, I was the starting outside hitter for the Varsity team. Feeling all cool and shit, I thought my place was secure until my coach benched my ass. After sitting on the bench for a few games, my coach called me into his office and ripped into me. He called me out on my lack of effort in practice. At the time, my response was – What’s wrong with him? Can’t he see that I’m much better than this other guy he’s playing ahead of me?

You want a better example? Okay, fine. I have a certain friend. He’s a really good guy (I try my best to be the only asshole in my social circle) and for all intents and purposes he’s a normal dude, except for one area – he is horrible with women. I don’t even think I can say he has zero game, it’s more like negative five game. It’s really painful to watch him in meat market-type atmospheres, y’know, places where girls order blue drinks.

He has massive approach anxiety. He’ll just stare at a girl all night instead of saying hello. And by the off chance that he engages in conversation, he’ll inevitably end up offending her. He tries to neg, or tease, but homeboy is not smooth at all.

I try to be a friend and point out where he’s going astray, but he’s not having it. In his world, he conducts himself in a perfectly fine manner. It’s the girls that have the problem.

This is what I’m saying, and I’ve said it before: If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.

Change your shit up. You can’t seem to shed that extra belly fat? Look at your diet, work harder. Girls aren’t giving you any attention? They’re not the problem, it’s YOU. Work on your sense of humor, dress better, get in better shape, be interesting. Your douchebag of a boss isn’t giving you the promotion you think you deserve? Why not just work harder? Prove to everyone that you’re awesome.

Do the things you need to do to get what you want. Stop looking around and blaming everyone and everything else. The sense of entitlement some people have angers the living shit out of me. I deserve this. I should have that. People are allergic to earning.

Look at the lottery. I see that shit go up to astronomical amounts on a regular basis because this society is full of people who don’t want to earn their fortune. Instead of working their asses off, they want to magically catch lightning in a bottle and win it. I don’t even know if I’d want to become a millionaire that way.

Actually, that’s a lot of fucking money. It would be pretty awesome. I should go to Seven Eleven right now.

– Chris.

She’s With HIM???

The other day, a friend was telling me about someone he knew.

This guy is fat and ugly, but he has a hot ass girlfriend.

I said, “Oh really. Let me see a picture.”

So I see the picture. He’s not that fat, and not that ugly. I’d say he’s an average looking Asian guy. His girlfriend, though, is a very cute blond.

Let’s be real – we’ve all come across this at some point, the guy-girl couple that doesn’t seem to fit. The dude is average looking at best, maybe even below average if we’re sipping on some extra haterade, and the chick is smoking hot.

Wait, wha… she’s with HIM???


 

Personally, I want to examine two things. First, I want to know how this happens. How does a guy out-kick his coverage to that level and nab a woman like that? If the guy’s a 5 and the girl’s a 9, then surely he knows something that the rest of us don’t know.

Second, I want to figure out why this is even an issue. How come we’re predisposed to believe that two people in a relationship should be in a similar aesthetic range?

***

Okay, so how does this happen? Of course, a lot of us will automatically assume that the guy is rich. But for argument’s sake, let’s count that option out. (As is the case of the guy my friend was talking about, I don’t believe he’s that wealthy, yet he was able to score his girl anyway)

It’s got to be a personality thing, right? Men are super visual, which is why this specific blog post even exists. The guy is probably funny as hell. He may also have a lot of charisma and confidence. Maybe he’s done some kind deeds.

Well, I’m not that funny, have low self-esteem, and am pretty selfish. Yeah, you’re fucked.

Here’s something I’ve observed through the years – a lot of men don’t look inward. They’ll look at a couple and wonder, “How the hell did he get her?” when they really mean “How can I get someone like her?”

I’ve got some single friends that wonder why they can’t get girls, but the subtext behind that question is something along the lines of, “What’s wrong with these girls? How come they don’t like me?

I want to shake the shit out of these guys.

Bottom line – look at yourself and see where you can improve. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Be interesting. Accomplish something. Get to the point where you know that you have a lot to offer up to someone else. Then maybe you can be this guy that can get your beautiful girl.

Okay, calm down.

So why is a looks disparity even an issue? I think it goes back to ideas of self-worth. It’s like that quote in The Perks of Being A Wallflower – “We accept the love we think we deserve.” We see a guy with a hot chick and be like, “Psh, motherfucker don’t deserve that. She must be with him for his money, LOL LMAO LMFAO ROFL blah blah blah troll troll troll.”

I admit, there was a point in life where I was that guy. But really, it’s frustration, insecurity, and a false sense of entitlement that give people this negative attitude that really stunt their growth.


I suppose what I’m really trying to communicate is a message to men out there.

Don’t get caught up in another man’s shit.

If you see a normal guy with a hot chick, don’t start hating. Why don’t you be motivated and inspired instead? Take an honest look at yourself and see how you can be a better, more well-rounded person.

Alright, that’s it. I’m done. This topic got me stressed.

– Chris.