Fashion

Hair Is Life

We can thank Mindy and her post about hair for this one. By the way, have a go with her blog, it’s worth it if you want to laugh. And if you don’t like laughing, then you probably don’t like music either, which means I hate you.

I am writing this at fifteen minutes to eight. Do you know what this means? It means I only have fifteen minutes until The Bachelorette comes on, so I have to hurry my ass.

What’s more manly than a man who watches The Bachelorette? It’s not even The Bachelor – it’s The Bachelor-motherfucking-ette. One woman and twenty four men, or as I like to call it, every goddamn bar in the greater Metropolitan Los Angeles Area (hey-ohh). I can even make the distinction between Ben H. and Ben Z. for Christ sakes.

Actually, what am I saying? I have DVR, I can take my time here. Calm down.


I want to write about hair. Not Hair, but hair.

We’re not talking about the super campy musical from the 60’s.

By the way, I love The 40-Year-Old Virgin. It’s Apatow’s best movie. The Bollywood dance number to Hair’s “Aquarius” and “Let The Sunshine In” in the end is pretty spectacular. Just think of the actors in that movie: Steve Carell, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Catherine Keener, Romany Malco, Jane Lynch, Elizabeth Banks, Kevin Hart, Jonah Hill, Mindy Kaling. What a cast.

Here’s the clip. The guy finally gets laid. I don’t feel remotely bad for spoiling this because not having seen it by now is criminal.

But I digress.

***

Hair truly speaks to the human condition.

It’s a barometer for what’s popular. For men, faux hawks were in a few years ago; now it’s the side parted undercut look that’s in.

It reveals a part of one’s character. If a car can indicate something about a person, then so can hair. Asians especially – the hair is dead giveaway when determining if that person is a FOB or American-born.

For men, proper grooming can make up for a lot in the looks department. If a man considers himself a 3, he can easily move up to a 5 if his haircut is well-done and his face is well-shaven and clean. If a man considers himself a 10, well then fuck that guy anyhow (who has the audacity to think they’re perfect??).

It’s also a way to express ourselves. Those of us men who are still blessed with a full head of hair (trust me, those days can be numbered for any of us) have the freedom to form our hair in any way we desire. Do we want to look clean cut? Messy and rugged? This is rather important, because at first glance women tend to look at our faces a little more than we look at theirs, if y’know what I’m sayin’.

***

There’s a thing called fresh-cut confidence. It’s the reason why we get a haircut on Friday evening so that we’ll look our best in the clubs and bars. It’s why we make a pitstop at the barbershop right before Coachella. It’s why we make sure to get it done before we go on that date.

It’s amazing how men can feel completely better about themselves with their hair looking good. We may not even dress well, but good hair will carry us through. Men will have an extra hop in their step when they know the hair is on point.

Hair. It’s about life.

***

Actually, I can never quite get my hair to do what I want. That last bit of hair never stays put. And I haven’t even gone into body hair, and dare I say, pubic hair.

On second thought, I hate hair.

Such is life, however – we can love and hate the same thing.

I guess I was right. Hair really is life.

– Chris.

 

 

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No More Thong Song

The year 2000 was a different time. Smartphones didn’t exist. There was no such thing as social media. The World Trade Center stood tall in the Manhattan skyline.

I was a senior in high school, and Sisqo’s Thong Song dominated the airwaves during that year. Everyone loved it. The girls enjoyed the catchy tune, and the guys, well, one can easily see why we loved it too. For seventeen year old guys with hormones bouncing around our insides like Pop Rocks inside our mouths, the music video was something else. A short, platinum-haired guy bouncing around women in glow-in-the-dark bikini’s? Yes please (As a side note, if LL Cool J makes a cameo in a music video like he does at the 2:31 mark below, you know it’s about to get real sexual).

If they weren’t already, thongs were brought into male consciousness as a result. The thong industry and guys with ass fetishes should give a big thank you to Sisqo for his efforts. Women started wearing thongs more and more; I would suspect some were motivated to feel more self-empowered and others wanted to attract men.

Today, an article was published by the New York Times: Young Women Say No to Thongs. It details a new movement of women opting for fully covered cotton underwear, abandoning the thongs that have been en vogue for the past decade and a half. These women are choosing comfort and practicality over fashion they believe is designed to appeal to men. There’s a popular line of underpants that have the word “feminist” printed on the back (oh yes, the F Word is brought up). The core of the movement which has gained a cult following is for women to dress for themselves and stop aiming to please other people.

I am all for people dressing for themselves. Women and men should have their own fashion sensibilities; whether we like it or not, the way we dress says something about who we are. Women who like wearing granny-panties should wear them despite what others may say, just as men should wear sweater vests if they feel so inclined despite public mockery.

There must be, however, plenty of women who wear thongs simply because they enjoy wearing them. It’s flat-out incorrect to generalize by saying all women wear thongs to appeal to men. As the article suggests, this movement towards fully covered underwear should be about variety– if a woman prefers more “coverage,” she should feel comfortable enough to do so.

Besides, men should just be excited that they can see women in underwear, period. If a man is getting intimate with a woman and gets suddenly turned off by her underpants, it’s time for him to be put on panty-timeout.

– Chris.