approaching girls

A Guide to Getting a Girl’s Digits

Last night, our friends got together to celebrate Chris turning another year wiser.

We went to this bar/lounge/club in Orange County called The Commissary Lounge. I would like to rename this place The Meat Market. I have coined it The Meat market because my girlfriends and I could feel the eyeballs scanning us from head to toe as we walked into the empty room at 9:30. Picture a big warehouse, empty in the center of the room, and the perimeters lined with couches, a full bar, and a DJ. As the time passed on and the center started filling in, I did notice some women whenever I scanned the room for Chris. But it was definitely a sausage fest from where I was standing. So much of a sausage fest that there was an endless rotation of men who approached we three girls the entire night.

Credit: Yelp

As one of Chris’s friends puts it, “You know you’re a hot commodity when you’re drunk and you didn’t even pay for a single drink.”

Chris has written posts about how he thinks men should approach women. Given yesterday’s eventful night, I’d like to share a woman’s perspective of what works and what doesn’t work. Without further ado, I share with you a tactical guide to getting a girl’s number.

WHAT WORKS: Approaching a girl and asking her common questions like, A/S/L? I must have told at least 5 guys that we were from Arizona and I now live in Fullerton. *Yawn*.

WHAT WORKS BETTER: Small talk and basic get-to-know-you is okay, but what really stands out is when someone can spark a common interest or make an interesting observation off the bat. It is also refreshing when someone can show off their sense of humor or personality instead of interview you. Maybe I am annoyed by the interview questions because I’m a recruiter Monday-Friday. Leave me alone.

Example: A guy started asking a series of “Would you rather” questions. “Would you rather be fat with a beautiful face or have a model body with an ugly face?” … “Would you rather live life to the fullest and die at 35 or live a stable, ordinary life until 60?” … “Would you rather have hair all of your body and not be able to shave or be hairless everywhere?” The defensive shield lowered with every laugh.

WHAT WORKS: Early on in the night when the room was empty, us three girls sat on the couches. We were engaging in conversation until a pot head randomly sat down on one end and proceeded to have a conversation with Ms. Hot Commodity. This approach was okay, as he ended up conversing for around 15 minutes. Apparently he was pretty deep with the aid of Mary Jane.

WHAT WORKS BETTER: A really outgoing, confident dude came up to all three of us on the dance floor. What was really smooth about this approach was he didn’t single any one of us out. But what he was able to pick up from this conversation was that I was in a relationship, another was engaged, and only one was available. Even then, he continued to engage with the engaged girl, making jokes like, “How did I not notice that? Look at that ring. That must be a VS2.” Girls look to their girlfriends for approval and by being friendly with a girl’s girlfriends, you’ve just made allies. Plus, if you are able to learn multiple girls are single, you can then make your move instead of strike out with the, “Sorry. I have a boyfriend.” move. Often told by single girls as a shield.

WHAT DOESN’T WORK: A dude literally came up to me and introduced himself as we shook hands. The next question he asks is, “Where are you from?” As I internally sighed, I explain I’m from AZ but moved to Fullerton. He follows up with, “What made you move out here?” I replied, “For love.” What happened next? This fool literally walked away. Good luck getting close to my single friends!

WHAT REALLY WORKS: Be genuinely nice. There were a group of guys towards the end of the night who offered to buy us girls multiple drinks. But then one of them realized Miss Anonymous probably had reached her limit, and offered to get her water. Not just tap water but bottled water. This doesn’t really matter too much to me because when I’m dehydrated I could care less if it is filtered but bonus points to this super considerate nice guy.

By the way, this guy was the only one out of all the sausages who ended up leaving with a number. 🙂

#Winning

~Emily

Thinking Is Bad For Your Complexion

Emily and I spent this weekend in Phoenix visiting her family and friends.

On Friday night, we met up with a few friends in Downtown Phoenix for drinks. For a downtown area, Phoenix is rather quiet at night. There doesn’t appear to be a bustling nightlife center like Mill Avenue in Tempe or Old Town Scottsdale. Then again, it was 100 degrees at 11 PM so why bother being outside.

We hopped around a few bars and eventually made our way to one that was relatively empty. It was a small dive bar with ESPN playing on the TV’s. I had no idea that this was a gay bar. One would think that a gay bar would be a little more happening than this one was, given the recent advances in marriage equality.

There was a group of four girls sitting in the patio area. Emily, being the comedian that she is, challenged me in front of our group. “Why don’t you go over there and find out if they’re on a double date?” Great, I’m being called out by my own girlfriend.

How much of a jackass would I be if I had pussied out in that moment? I’ve been the one challenging my male friends to approach women these days, and now Emily is telling me to approach four girls on my own. Awesome. I began to feel a little intimidated.

Fortunately, I have no shits to give in this department. Challenge accepted. I went over, said hello, chit-chatted for a bit, and ended up finding out that they were hetero and hanging out with their gay male friend. He was actually the meanest one out of the group.

Men, if you’re out at the bars and a friend challenges you to go up to a woman, just do it. Don’t think too much on it; like Ari Gold says, “Thinking is bad for your complexion.”

As long as you’re polite, what’s the worst that can happen? Just try to be funny though.

That is all. Three straight nights of drinking has made me feel like how Keith Richards looks.

– Chris.

100 Girls

I’ve been out of The Game for about two years now, but I still know a few things.

As I mentioned previously, I went out with a few friends the other night and witnessed firsthand the effects of approach anxiety. This is when a man sees a woman he wants to approach but gets caught in his own head, thinking of all the reasons why he shouldn’t go up to her.

It’s like a below-average Major League baseball player coming up to the plate and seeing Clayton Kershaw on the mound. Instead of thinking homerun, he thinks about his devastating curveball, fastball, and slider, and how he’s a multiple Cy Young Award winner. He’s going to strikeout.

Or a contestant on The Bachelor. She’s looking around and seeing nothing but tens, accomplished professionally (at least some of them) and with fun personalities to boot (maybe some of them?). Instead of showing her charm, she cries in front of the Bachelor because she can’t handle being around so many other beautiful women. You ain’t gettin’ that rose, honey.

Today, Millennials have the option to try online dating. While this is a good thing, I can’t help but notice some negative effects. People are treating online dating as a solution as opposed to an option. I don’t think it should be the end-all-be-all to solve the plight of today’s singles.

So what’s happening to men in particular? No longer are we required to approach women we’ve never met in person. Instead, we can just swipe right or send a message in our comfortable homes to initiate interaction. We are feeding our approach anxiety, one profile at a time.

Emily and I have never written the details of how we met. I can go on and on about that, and I’m sure we’ll eventually write a post about it, but I’ll say this – we met in person as strangers. That seems to be a weird thing now.

Yesterday I suggested to my friends a challenge: approach 100 girls by the end of the year. It sounds a little strange and cheesy, perhaps even a bit douchey, but what’s wrong with it?

In fact, if you’re a single man looking to meet the right woman for you, I give you the same challenge. Put the Tinder and OKCupid down for a while and go out there into the real world. I’m not even talking about getting a phone number, let alone a date; this is just about approaching. I think that as you approach more women, you’ll become more comfortable in your own skin, you’ll begin to not try so hard to impress, and you’ll begin to realize that a girl’s reaction usually says nothing about you, so you’ll be less affected by it.

I think it’s a good challenge, and who knows, maybe you’ll actually have some fun.

Oh yeah, but don’t be creepy, weird, awkward, over-aggressive, or needy. Don’t invade anyone’s personal space, try to smell nice, smile, make sure your breath doesn’t stink, don’t linger around her for too long, and don’t catch a girl off guard by approaching from behind.

Okay, good luck!

– Chris

Thoughts On Approaching Girls

I went out Saturday night with two of my single male friends. We went out to a bar known for their great beer selection, modern industrial ambiance, and good music.

That was a complete lie. This bar is known for having lots of girls.

Long story short, nothing too exciting happened. Don’t get me wrong, we had a good time, but the night didn’t play out like a scene in Swingers. There was no engaging with beautiful babies, no smooth operating, no swing dancing to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy.

I wonder why my friends didn’t talk to any girls there. I am certain they wanted to. These are two good guys, eligible bachelors who have their personal and professional lives in good order.

I’m also certain that I wanted to stand back and watch my friends talk to girls. Few things are better than being a fly on the wall while witnessing a friend attempt to spit game. I was ready to be their dating hype man, a personal Flavor Flav, if you will.

She’s with a group of girls.

I need to drink a little bit more.

I don’t know what to say.

I’m tired.

Excuses. They’re reasons for men to stay in our comfortable nests. I heard each one of these excuses that night from my friends. Fear of rejection cripples a lot of men out there. Here’s a tip: rejection will happen. It’s like baseball: if you have a career batting average of .300, you’re going to the Hall of Fame.

Actually, that night a girl came up and started talking to me. We engaged in some usual chit chat (What are you drinking? Are you celebrating something? Blah blah blah) when her friend came up and said, “Who are you?“, not in a friendly way, but with a scowl. She said it more like in a get-the-fuck-out-of-here-you-potential-rapist kind of way. In addition to being super rude, she obviously didn’t know that A) I wasn’t hitting on her friend, and B) her friend actually came up to me.

I say this to illustrate that some girls will reject a man no matter what, and that men shouldn’t take rejection personally. These types of situations have more to do with them, not us, so simply move on and be glad that’s not our problem.

I’ve found that the best way to approach a girl is by simply saying Hi. Quite a revolutionary idea, isn’t it? As men, we tend to over-complicate things. We try to look two, three steps ahead but forget to be in the moment. Let’s just say hi and see where that goes.

What do I say next? It doesn’t really matter where the conversation goes. A man and a woman in a bar can pretty much talk about anything. Of course, people don’t usually talk about how the housing market crash has impacted our national economy over cocktails with house music blaring in the background. But it’s important to remember that we’re all people. We all have lives and think about shit. Just talk.

I know, it’s so easy to write this when I’m sitting on my high horse behind a computer screen. Trust me, in my time I’ve struck out more often than Ryan Howard. I don’t claim to be an expert by any means. These are simply personal opinions from someone who can relate to the struggle.

And besides, Ryan Howard has hit plenty of home runs in between the strikeouts. Who wants to just hit singles all the time?

– Chris.