I’ve been out of The Game for about two years now, but I still know a few things.
As I mentioned previously, I went out with a few friends the other night and witnessed firsthand the effects of approach anxiety. This is when a man sees a woman he wants to approach but gets caught in his own head, thinking of all the reasons why he shouldn’t go up to her.
It’s like a below-average Major League baseball player coming up to the plate and seeing Clayton Kershaw on the mound. Instead of thinking homerun, he thinks about his devastating curveball, fastball, and slider, and how he’s a multiple Cy Young Award winner. He’s going to strikeout.
Or a contestant on The Bachelor. She’s looking around and seeing nothing but tens, accomplished professionally (at least some of them) and with fun personalities to boot (maybe some of them?). Instead of showing her charm, she cries in front of the Bachelor because she can’t handle being around so many other beautiful women. You ain’t gettin’ that rose, honey.
Today, Millennials have the option to try online dating. While this is a good thing, I can’t help but notice some negative effects. People are treating online dating as a solution as opposed to an option. I don’t think it should be the end-all-be-all to solve the plight of today’s singles.
So what’s happening to men in particular? No longer are we required to approach women we’ve never met in person. Instead, we can just swipe right or send a message in our comfortable homes to initiate interaction. We are feeding our approach anxiety, one profile at a time.
Emily and I have never written the details of how we met. I can go on and on about that, and I’m sure we’ll eventually write a post about it, but I’ll say this – we met in person as strangers. That seems to be a weird thing now.
Yesterday I suggested to my friends a challenge: approach 100 girls by the end of the year. It sounds a little strange and cheesy, perhaps even a bit douchey, but what’s wrong with it?
In fact, if you’re a single man looking to meet the right woman for you, I give you the same challenge. Put the Tinder and OKCupid down for a while and go out there into the real world. I’m not even talking about getting a phone number, let alone a date; this is just about approaching. I think that as you approach more women, you’ll become more comfortable in your own skin, you’ll begin to not try so hard to impress, and you’ll begin to realize that a girl’s reaction usually says nothing about you, so you’ll be less affected by it.
I think it’s a good challenge, and who knows, maybe you’ll actually have some fun.
Oh yeah, but don’t be creepy, weird, awkward, over-aggressive, or needy. Don’t invade anyone’s personal space, try to smell nice, smile, make sure your breath doesn’t stink, don’t linger around her for too long, and don’t catch a girl off guard by approaching from behind.
Okay, good luck!