Thoughts On Approaching Girls

I went out Saturday night with two of my single male friends. We went out to a bar known for their great beer selection, modern industrial ambiance, and good music.

That was a complete lie. This bar is known for having lots of girls.

Long story short, nothing too exciting happened. Don’t get me wrong, we had a good time, but the night didn’t play out like a scene in Swingers. There was no engaging with beautiful babies, no smooth operating, no swing dancing to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy.

I wonder why my friends didn’t talk to any girls there. I am certain they wanted to. These are two good guys, eligible bachelors who have their personal and professional lives in good order.

I’m also certain that I wanted to stand back and watch my friends talk to girls. Few things are better than being a fly on the wall while witnessing a friend attempt to spit game. I was ready to be their dating hype man, a personal Flavor Flav, if you will.


She’s with a group of girls.

I need to drink a little bit more.

I don’t know what to say.

I’m tired.

Excuses. They’re reasons for men to stay in our comfortable nests. I heard each one of these excuses that night from my friends. Fear of rejection cripples a lot of men out there. Here’s a tip: rejection will happen. It’s like baseball: if you have a career batting average of .300, you’re going to the Hall of Fame.

Actually, that night a girl came up and started talking to me. We engaged in some usual chit chat (What are you drinking? Are you celebrating something? Blah blah blah) when her friend came up and said, “Who are you?“, not in a friendly way, but with a scowl. She said it more like in a get-the-fuck-out-of-here-you-potential-rapist kind of way. In addition to being super rude, she obviously didn’t know that A) I wasn’t hitting on her friend, and B) her friend actually came up to me.

I say this to illustrate that some girls will reject a man no matter what, and that men shouldn’t take rejection personally. These types of situations have more to do with them, not us, so simply move on and be glad that’s not our problem.

I’ve found that the best way to approach a girl is by simply saying Hi. Quite a revolutionary idea, isn’t it? As men, we tend to over-complicate things. We try to look two, three steps ahead but forget to be in the moment. Let’s just say hi and see where that goes.

What do I say next? It doesn’t really matter where the conversation goes. A man and a woman in a bar can pretty much talk about anything. Of course, people don’t usually talk about how the housing market crash has impacted our national economy over cocktails with house music blaring in the background. But it’s important to remember that we’re all people. We all have lives and think about shit. Just talk.

I know, it’s so easy to write this when I’m sitting on my high horse behind a computer screen. Trust me, in my time I’ve struck out more often than Ryan Howard. I don’t claim to be an expert by any means. These are simply personal opinions from someone who can relate to the struggle.

And besides, Ryan Howard has hit plenty of home runs in between the strikeouts. Who wants to just hit singles all the time?

– Chris.

Advertisements

5 comments

  1. I like the idea of a simple “Hi.” It usually leads to some small talk, and if things are going well, the conversation will work itself out along the way. For instance, I was at a bar with friends once, and they all left me at the table, I could hear two guys at the table next to me talking about me. One was trying to convince his friend to come over and talk and he seemed nervous. One of my friends came back to the table, and the guy said something about his friend missing his chance. My friend left me alone again, and the guy finally came over to talk. After hearing his and his friend’s debate, I couldn’t help but keep the conversation rolling. It wasn’t difficult, it started off with a simple hello!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You are right on the money when you say that some girls will reject a man no matter what. I am that girl VERY often. I sometimes am just annoyed with life or my day and find myself at a public or noisy place, just to distract myself from the chatter in my mind. It doesn’t mean that I want to talk, although being OUT IN PUBLIC clearly insinuates that lol. So that’s something screwy with ME, not the men who receive the evil eye when approaching me. And you never know what just happened before you approached that woman. She could have planned to be social but had JUST had an unexpected argument with a friend…or an unpleasant encounter with the guy before you. Definitely can’t take it personal!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s